Dear Campus Chick,
I dated this guy named Aaron about 4 years ago when I was 17 and we didn't go out for long.
After we broke up though we decided to be friends but that didn't happen because we had friends pulling us apart and starting rumours to the point where we both hated each other. But on the weekend he was having a new years eve party and I ended up at it. I was so scared cause I though that he was going to kick my ass when he saw me. But he didn’t he hugged me instead he was pretty drunk though.
But the next night he had another party and when it ended we actually had a few small conversations and he is so hilarious and I started to remember all the reasons why I was friends with him and why we dated. Now I have all these feelings coming back up and I think I want him again, cause I can’t stop thinking about him. but I know that it probably won’t work out because of some of his friends from the past. What I’m basically wondering is if its normal to have these kind of feelings come up after so long? Or is it weird? and what should I do?
Tiffany - VA Tech
Dear Tiffany,
Yes, I do think that's normal, and not weird at all.
Sometimes we meet people and hit it off really well, then later can't understand why we ever liked them. Other times we hit it off with people, become temporarily disillusioned with them and once we've gotten a better perspective, we have no problem figuring out why we once cared about them so much. I would try to stay away from over-analyzing and freaking out.
Maybe your friendship will be mended and maybe it will turn romantic again...just be in the present in this one, and don't worry.
April (Campus Chick)
Wednesday
Friday
Ask Campus Chick...
Dear Campus Chick,
About giving blowjobs- it seems like everyone's okay with it and guys generally expect it from a serious relationship, but I've never had any interest in it and am, in fact, more than a little afraid of performing oral sex. I've always seen it as repulsive and degrading towards women and had a lot of tension in past relationships over it.
When I express this to others, they mostly say they feel sorry for my boyfriends, and fortunately my current bf is understanding, but is it wrong or weird to not want to give oral sex, even in a comitted, sexually active relationship?
Carrie U of K
Dear Carrie,
There's nothing wrong with that, although most people do "expect" it.
Some people, like you, have no interest in oral sex because they feel it's disgusting and degrading. For someone who's only afraid of it, well, I'd say they just aren't ready for it and will grow out of the "ew" phase.
However, it seems you are morally opposed to it. As long as you are with a partner who loves you and respects you, he will respect your decision not to do this. He may not like it and he may never get over it, but no man should ever pressure you or make you feel guilty for this. I don't think it's wrong. As for it being weird, well, maybe it is a little "abnormal" for college aged kids, but that's ok.
Normality can be boring.
April (Campus Chick)
About giving blowjobs- it seems like everyone's okay with it and guys generally expect it from a serious relationship, but I've never had any interest in it and am, in fact, more than a little afraid of performing oral sex. I've always seen it as repulsive and degrading towards women and had a lot of tension in past relationships over it.
When I express this to others, they mostly say they feel sorry for my boyfriends, and fortunately my current bf is understanding, but is it wrong or weird to not want to give oral sex, even in a comitted, sexually active relationship?
Carrie U of K
Dear Carrie,
There's nothing wrong with that, although most people do "expect" it.
Some people, like you, have no interest in oral sex because they feel it's disgusting and degrading. For someone who's only afraid of it, well, I'd say they just aren't ready for it and will grow out of the "ew" phase.
However, it seems you are morally opposed to it. As long as you are with a partner who loves you and respects you, he will respect your decision not to do this. He may not like it and he may never get over it, but no man should ever pressure you or make you feel guilty for this. I don't think it's wrong. As for it being weird, well, maybe it is a little "abnormal" for college aged kids, but that's ok.
Normality can be boring.
April (Campus Chick)
Wednesday
Getting To Know YOU
In our culture we are often taught to repress our natural pleasure states. We are not supposed to be emotional in public, and we are not to exhibit too much pleasure or energy at school. Often, adults in our culture are uncomfortable with teenagers coming into their own sexual energies. Because of these cultural attitudes, to "be good" and "behave" can often translate into shutting down and denying some of your important senses.
When basic pleasures are denied, such as your healthy sexuality, emotional expression, and sensual curiosity, you may find yourself choosing substitute "pleasures" such as drugs, drinking, video games, television, and overeating. You may also resort to negative behaviors including avoiding responsibility, blaming others for your troubles, and sexually acting out. Because substitute pleasures are not truly fulfilling, you find yourself having to keep doing them again and again. It's like eating one marshmallow when what you really crave is a big fresh strawberry sundae.
"Healthy pleasure brings satisfaction; addictive pleasure brings a craving for more." This is a time to explore healthy ways to be a sensual, feeling individual.
Sexual energy is a sacred, vital, and intimate energy that connects us to someone else in a very special way. Sexual energy flows through everything that is alive. In the springtime we can see this energy come alive in animal and plant life.
Discovering your sexual energy in your teen years is part of claiming and opening the second chakra. This does not necessarily mean having sex (although it can). It does mean feeling your sexuality and your sensuality as a vital and sacred part of your humanness. It includes enjoying the scent of someone's cologne, the touch of a friend, the taste of your favorite food, the feel of tears on your cheek, the sound of a really good laugh, and the stunning colors of autumn leaves.
Healthy expression of your sexual energy may mean simply enjoying the way your body heats up when you think about or stand near a particular person. When you value and find real pleasure in your sexuality, you won't need to get caught up in substitute pleasures. Be very conscious of how you use this energy and whom you choose to share it with. Honor it as the sacred energy that it is. If you choose to be sexual with someone, be conscious about the reasons for your choice, and be realistic about what you can expect from that shift in your relationship.
Tuesday
Happy Halloween - Belated
Halloween is the time of the year when we’re given permission to let our dark side come out and play.
For one night, you can be whoever you want with no fear of judgment, because it’s just a costume, right? And the crazier the better. So what does your costume tell the world about the secret desires you’ve been keeping pent up inside you all year? Or more important, what message is your date’s costume sending?
Based on the premise that your Halloween costume reveals the parts of your personality you normally suppress, here’s our analysis of some popular costume choices for both men and women and what they tell others about your inner self. Here’s your guide to costume decoding.
Men in Drag – First, let's make one thing clear. It takes deep personal motivation for a man to dress up as a woman for Halloween. No one does it "just because".
Here are a few possibilities:
Catholic School Girl – You like people to think that you’re innocent and a goody-two-shoes, but you have a hidden naughty side. You may have had a strict upbringing, leads you to get off on being “disciplined”. Or you may just have a daddy thing.
French Maid – Even if you’re a feminist the rest of the year, if you dress up in a frilly maid outfit, you may you have a secret desire to play a submissive role, at least for one night. Your sexuality is playful and subversive, but you normally keep it under wraps. You may have fantasies of being subservient and catering to a man’s every whim.
Prostitute/Slut – You don’t normally get to express your sexual side because it doesn’t feel safe or is incompatible with the image you project most of the time. You might enjoy it if your partner was a bit rougher or called you names in bed. You have unacknowledged sexual appetites, and you enjoy the sense of power over men that sex gives you.
Caveman/Cavewoman – You want to get in touch with your primal self and animalistic sexuality. You are fed up with society’s rules for dating and relationship behavior and want to go back to a simpler time, when “Me Tarzan, you Jane,” was the only conversation a couple needed to have.
Robot – You’re not really comfortable with your emotions, your sexuality, or human contact in general. You may think of sex as messy and inconvenient and just want the whole issue to go away.
Nun/Priest – You have some inner conflicts about your sexuality. You’re rebelling against your own sexual hang ups but you’re not able to let go entirely. You feel like you should be saving yourself for something better.
Flasher – You have repressed exhibitionistic urges and may have a desire to shock people. You secretly crave attention but aren't getting enough of it. You may also be well endowed and feel that not enough people know about it.
Pirate – You like to think of yourself as a rebel – a bad boy or bad girl. You want to be reckless, passionate, and seek out dangerous situations. You’d like to be able to party hard, plunder, pillage, and have your way with the ladies or men without worrying about the consequences.
Harry Potter/Hermione – If you are a grown guy who dresses up like Harry Potter, or Ronald Weasley, you are probably bright but shy and not very emotionally mature or experienced with women. If you are a woman and you dress up like Hermione, see the entry for Catholic Schoolgirl.
Prince/Princess – If you dress up like a medieval prince, princess, or knight, and look like you’re going to a Renaissance Faire, you have a very romanticized ideal of love and sex. You probably have a very active fantasy life, but are not very successful at getting actual dates, especially if you play Dungeons & Dragons.
Naughty Nurse – You are generous with your sexuality and consider it a form of “sexual healing.” At the same time, you like to be in control of a sexual situation. You prefer a passive partner who just lies there while you do all the work.
Pimp – Guys who dress up like pimps are often masking insecurities about their masculinity or sexuality. They want other people to see them as a player with wealth, power, and command over women, when in fact they are weak, ineffectual, or simply shy.
Vampire/Goth – Your sexuality has an intense and mysterious side. You have a dark and predatory side that you don’t usually show. You may feel that sex is mystical and desire a transcendental union with your partner.
For one night, you can be whoever you want with no fear of judgment, because it’s just a costume, right? And the crazier the better. So what does your costume tell the world about the secret desires you’ve been keeping pent up inside you all year? Or more important, what message is your date’s costume sending?
Based on the premise that your Halloween costume reveals the parts of your personality you normally suppress, here’s our analysis of some popular costume choices for both men and women and what they tell others about your inner self. Here’s your guide to costume decoding.
Men in Drag – First, let's make one thing clear. It takes deep personal motivation for a man to dress up as a woman for Halloween. No one does it "just because".
Here are a few possibilities:
- You may be feeling trapped or limited by your masculine identity and want to experiment with "being a girl".
- You may be a secret crossdresser and this is the one time of the year when you can get away with doing it in public.
- You may secretly desire to be attractive to other men and want to be able to play out that fantasy.
Catholic School Girl – You like people to think that you’re innocent and a goody-two-shoes, but you have a hidden naughty side. You may have had a strict upbringing, leads you to get off on being “disciplined”. Or you may just have a daddy thing.
French Maid – Even if you’re a feminist the rest of the year, if you dress up in a frilly maid outfit, you may you have a secret desire to play a submissive role, at least for one night. Your sexuality is playful and subversive, but you normally keep it under wraps. You may have fantasies of being subservient and catering to a man’s every whim.
Prostitute/Slut – You don’t normally get to express your sexual side because it doesn’t feel safe or is incompatible with the image you project most of the time. You might enjoy it if your partner was a bit rougher or called you names in bed. You have unacknowledged sexual appetites, and you enjoy the sense of power over men that sex gives you.
Caveman/Cavewoman – You want to get in touch with your primal self and animalistic sexuality. You are fed up with society’s rules for dating and relationship behavior and want to go back to a simpler time, when “Me Tarzan, you Jane,” was the only conversation a couple needed to have.
Robot – You’re not really comfortable with your emotions, your sexuality, or human contact in general. You may think of sex as messy and inconvenient and just want the whole issue to go away.
Nun/Priest – You have some inner conflicts about your sexuality. You’re rebelling against your own sexual hang ups but you’re not able to let go entirely. You feel like you should be saving yourself for something better.
Flasher – You have repressed exhibitionistic urges and may have a desire to shock people. You secretly crave attention but aren't getting enough of it. You may also be well endowed and feel that not enough people know about it.
Pirate – You like to think of yourself as a rebel – a bad boy or bad girl. You want to be reckless, passionate, and seek out dangerous situations. You’d like to be able to party hard, plunder, pillage, and have your way with the ladies or men without worrying about the consequences.
Harry Potter/Hermione – If you are a grown guy who dresses up like Harry Potter, or Ronald Weasley, you are probably bright but shy and not very emotionally mature or experienced with women. If you are a woman and you dress up like Hermione, see the entry for Catholic Schoolgirl.
Prince/Princess – If you dress up like a medieval prince, princess, or knight, and look like you’re going to a Renaissance Faire, you have a very romanticized ideal of love and sex. You probably have a very active fantasy life, but are not very successful at getting actual dates, especially if you play Dungeons & Dragons.
Naughty Nurse – You are generous with your sexuality and consider it a form of “sexual healing.” At the same time, you like to be in control of a sexual situation. You prefer a passive partner who just lies there while you do all the work.
Pimp – Guys who dress up like pimps are often masking insecurities about their masculinity or sexuality. They want other people to see them as a player with wealth, power, and command over women, when in fact they are weak, ineffectual, or simply shy.
Vampire/Goth – Your sexuality has an intense and mysterious side. You have a dark and predatory side that you don’t usually show. You may feel that sex is mystical and desire a transcendental union with your partner.
Friday
Tales From The Playpen
Dear Campus Chick,
What a night it was.
Even though it sounds like a Penthouse Forum, I swear that it’s all true.
It all started when my ex-girlfriend invited me to join her and her best friend for a hardcore night of drinking “like we used to do.” We spent the night enjoying each other’s company and many, many drinks. Afterwards, we headed back to her best friend’s house to crash. As usual I was hornier than a dog in heat, and (out of habit) I started on my way to my ex-girlfriend’s bed-with my fingers crossed.
I realized that she was as horny as me, because as soon as I got into her bed, she ripped my clothes off. I have to tell you that my ex still loved me and would have done anything for me. She used to profess her love for me every single time she got drunk. One time when we were still dating, she actually had sex with a remote control, just because I told her that it would be sexy, lol. Anyway, now that she had gotten me naked, she started giving me a great hummer.
Just as I was about to let go of my seed, I asked her if I could put it in her and she panted back to me “YES!”
Then, after doing the deed, I was damn thirsty. So I got up and headed to the kitchen to get a drink. On the way, I heard moaning sounds coming from the best friend’s, little sister’s room. I opened the door slightly and saw her under her sheets pleasuring herself. After watching for a while, I opened the door a little more and my presence seemed to startle her. I walked closer to her bed and she didn’t say a word she just lifted the sheets up to show me her gorgeous, naked body. I didn’t need another second to be under the sheets with her.
She grabbed my member and took all of me in her mouth. I had just had some great sex with my ex and I was not going to be letting go again anytime soon.
So I positioned myself on top of her and tried to get inside, but that was a big mistake.
She told me she was a virgin... Ooohh.
That kinda killed the moment and a few minutes later, I left her room.
After finally getting my drink, I stopped by her best friend’s room and decided her bed was more comfortable than the fold out couch that my ex was sleeping on. So I got under the sheets with her. After not being able to get to sleep for a while, we started to make out and guess what?
Soon she was trying to get my boxer shorts off!
She started to go down on me and that was it. She was unbelievable--that girl could suck a golf ball through a hose. It wasn’t long before I was letting go of my manhood in her mouth.
After finishing me off, we both faded off to sleep and woke up in the morning in bed together. I really thought that it would be hard to explain what happened the previous night but everyone kept their mouths shut.
What a night!
It will go down in my books as an A+ night that I know will never be repeated. After being away to college again, I returned home to find my ex-girlfriend with someone and her best friend was dating another guy. But as all good stories go, her younger sister was still single and I can tell you that she had learnt some great things from her older sister.
Lucky Fucker
Dear Lucky,
I like the idea of "stories from the playpen" but the story needs some punching up. It needs raw, emotional sex talk. Get rid of "your member" and insert: your hot, throbbing sledgehammer of love.
Maybe not something that makes me giggle, but you catch my drift.
Kudos for your idea. I'm going to run with it.
April (Campus Chick)
Thursday
Ask Campus Chick...
Dear Campus Chick,
I'm a freshman at BYU. My boyfriend and I have a great sexual relationship, even though he is 1000 miles away in our hometown in smallville USA.
I masturbate and have orgasms, but I'm unable to orgasm when I have sex with my boyfriend.
Could there possibly be something wrong with me?
Is there some connection with emotions and orgasms?
Sasha - BYU
Dear Sasha,
It doesn’t sound like there is anything “wrong” with you. As a matter of fact, many women who are able to achieve orgasm with masturbation are unable to have orgasms with partner sex. Since many women require direct clitoral stimulation to obtain the big O, I suggest you and/or your partner try stimulating your clitoris with fingers or a vibrator, hell even a Harley ride (Mmmmmmmmm) before, during after, or instead of intercourse.
Also, letting your partner know the way you like to be touched will go a long way towards increasing your sexual pleasure and satisfaction, which is the foundation to having orgasms.
To answer your question about the connection of emotions and orgasms, there is often a correlation between the two. While many men and women can have orgasms without any emotional feelings or attachments, there are also people who cannot.
However, it’s the negative emotions that often have the power to suppress your orgasms.
Feelings of anger, sadness, fear, guilt, anxiety, etc., can all interfere with and overpower any sexual pleasure you might otherwise be experiencing. So, be aware of how these emotions might be affecting you personally. And lastly…you wrote that you and your husband have a great sexual relationship.
Remember, orgasm is only one part of a sexual relationship and sexual pleasure. Relax and focus on the pleasure you’re experiencing and on your boyfriend instead of worrying about having an orgasm, and your chances of experiencing an orgasm during sex will dramatically increase.
April (Campus Chick)
I'm a freshman at BYU. My boyfriend and I have a great sexual relationship, even though he is 1000 miles away in our hometown in smallville USA.
I masturbate and have orgasms, but I'm unable to orgasm when I have sex with my boyfriend.
Could there possibly be something wrong with me?
Is there some connection with emotions and orgasms?
Sasha - BYU
Dear Sasha,
It doesn’t sound like there is anything “wrong” with you. As a matter of fact, many women who are able to achieve orgasm with masturbation are unable to have orgasms with partner sex. Since many women require direct clitoral stimulation to obtain the big O, I suggest you and/or your partner try stimulating your clitoris with fingers or a vibrator, hell even a Harley ride (Mmmmmmmmm) before, during after, or instead of intercourse.
Also, letting your partner know the way you like to be touched will go a long way towards increasing your sexual pleasure and satisfaction, which is the foundation to having orgasms.
To answer your question about the connection of emotions and orgasms, there is often a correlation between the two. While many men and women can have orgasms without any emotional feelings or attachments, there are also people who cannot.
However, it’s the negative emotions that often have the power to suppress your orgasms.
Feelings of anger, sadness, fear, guilt, anxiety, etc., can all interfere with and overpower any sexual pleasure you might otherwise be experiencing. So, be aware of how these emotions might be affecting you personally. And lastly…you wrote that you and your husband have a great sexual relationship.
Remember, orgasm is only one part of a sexual relationship and sexual pleasure. Relax and focus on the pleasure you’re experiencing and on your boyfriend instead of worrying about having an orgasm, and your chances of experiencing an orgasm during sex will dramatically increase.
April (Campus Chick)
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